Different therapists may treat you differently. They should be very receptive to your needs on that. Ask them to treat you how you want. It’s important that you feel they’re being honest with you.

Result time depends on you. For example you may partly need validation that you are in fact, doing something about your problems and that thought can kick start it. Some things come in the first week. But you’ll also hit the limit of plasticity in the brain where some things are just going to take 6 weeks or several months of dedicated effort to see results.

The first person you meet with might not be a match. Don’t get discouraged. You might have to meet multiple people. You’ll know when you feel ok with someone’s personality.

Multiple decades, geographies, and the retirement of a therapist as experience speaking.

I have started and stopped therapy a zillion times before. People would always tell me “go to therapy”. It’s kind of insulting, honestly, as if it was some magic cure all way to dismiss me.

What I’ve found is that therapy doesn’t help if you don’t have a specific enough problem to work on!! So people would always tell me “go to therapy” and I couldn’t figure out wtf I was supposed to work on there so the therapists didn’t focus on anything helpful either.

BUT I feel like I’ve just finally discovered a specific thing I want to work on after years and years of this back and forth BS. So I researched a therapist that is said to use a specific therapy modality to treat my specific problem. We’ll see how it goes with her.

ALSO…it has been frustrating to me, but I’ve found that most therapists I’ve come across are just simply “talk therapists”. There is no real goal other than giving you validation and some general advice and vague concepts and techniques. This can be great for people…but for me it just hasn’t been helpful enough. It just doesn’t give me solid enough direction. But maybe a talk therapist is what you need…who knows?

I realize these don’t answer your questions directly, but I figured I’d share what I learned to hope if might help you. Best of luck.

Generally speaking, it’s a conversation with someone who’s capable of guiding you to better choices and responses. How “warm and cuddly” that is depends on the therapist. Trying different therapists until you find someone youre truly comfortable with is part of it all.

How quickly it “starts to work” is entirely dependent on a) How honest you are, b) how open you are to outside perspectives, and c) how much baggage you’ve got to unpack.

As an adult, you should be fully protected by doctor-patient confidentiality and HIPAA unless youre threatening yourself or others. There are very clear benchmarks for that, but ymmv depending on location. Im not from Ohio so 🤷‍♂️

If youre on the queer or autistic/adhd spectrums, try to find someone who specializes in that. They’ll know how to help you without putting you at risk.

And ALWAYS avoid free counselors. Theyre usually tied to religious charities and will steer you toward their perspectives, or put you at risk for being queer etc. Just stay away. It’s like any other trade, if theyre worth it, pay them.

First of all, congratulation for taking the courage and charge and going for therapy! That by itself shows your dedication and determination 👍

Already many excellent answers here by others.

I would add, that you may ask about the way how therapy in their version is supposed to work. Otherwise you may just miss the essence of their questions and the whole thing would be ruined. So asking at the very beginning may be super helpful.

Its a human experience so it depends on the person you talk to a lot. Reflect on the experience and communicate your needs. Don’t be intimidated by the therapist, you’re there to improve your situation. Dont give up if your first therapy is a bad experience / you dont vibe with the therapist, try a different one. Unfruitful therapy doesnt have to be anyone’s fault, sometimes its just not a good mix.

First of all, different titles (e.g. psychologist, psychotherapist, social worker, counsellor, etc.) require different levels/types of education and experience and you should be able to look up whether they’re in good standing with your state/provincial/federally regulated organizations. So you can look up how long they’ve been practicing, and what qualifications they have.

Second of all, it’s common to try several before you find someone that’s a good fit. It might take a few sessions before you decide whether it’s a match.

Thirdly, be wary of anyone that seems to be asking leading questions or giving you advice on what to do. A good therapist will help you build the skills you need to come to your own decisions. No one knows your life better than you do and it’s their job to pass along the appropriate interpretation of their training on to you. They aren’t there to pass judgement on you, your life, or the people/relationships in your life.

Lastly, I wish you all the best. It took me a long time to find my current therapist and it’s been life changing. I learned a lot along the way, and I hope your journey brings you what you need.

Random thoughts in no order.

I started therapy way late in life. I wasn’t against bit in general, I just thought I was too stubborn and private to get anything out of it. Good for you starting earlier than I did.

It started out awkward but I realized this was up to me if i wanted to get any thing out of it. This person went through a lot of trouble to be in a position to help me and I could either just trust that, or I should stop wasting her time and my money.

I got lucky and found someone I could connect to on my first try. My wife had to go through a few till she got someone she felt good about. Don’t feel bad if you dont find a connection with the first few you go to. This is important enough to get right. Do a session or two till you find someone you can be open and honest with.

The one I ended up seeing for a few years was significantly younger than me but we had a couple of big things in common so it worked really well.

Its like seeing a doctor, be honest. They cant help you if you don’t tell them what’s wrong. Doctors and therapists you tell everything to, cops you say nothing to. Everyone else is a case by case thing.

I can only speak from my experience but sessions were just talking and having conversation about what was going on in my head and life. Sometimes she’d suggest a book or something, but mostly she’s ask a few questions and let me work out what was up. Like, she knew the questions to ask to get me thinking about untangling my knots. It wasn’t her making notes about my problems and giving me solutions. Though she did have a few exercises to suggest I do that helped as well.

Once I let my ego or whatever go and started being honest with her and myself, I started feeling better pretty quick. Thats not to say my problems were solved or I had shit figured out, just that I felt like I was actually doing something about it. And that felt good. Like there was a better way to do things if I put in the work to relearn some habits and understand why I did things one way instead of another.

Good luck with this.

I think my only advice is don’t be afraid to go with your gut when picking someone, even if it feels judgmental or irrational. This is one of the things in life where your own comfort is paramount as a starting point.

Feel more comfortable talking to a man, or to a woman? Go with that. Do you get a weird vibe you can’t explain from someone? Go with that and look for someone else.

It’s also OK to look for another one if you don’t like the first one. Just make sure the reason isn’t because they’re making you confront difficult things. That’s the whole point.

Good luck, and I hope you get some positive things from it. It’s not easy, and it can be uncomfortable, but I personally have gotten a lot of clarity from it. Remember that only you can change you, though. All the therapist can do is reveal your patterns to you and give you coping strategies.

I’ve been working on myself a lot recently and realized that I can’t do this alone anymore (or rely on Internet strangers to talk about my issues). I feel like I finally have the strength to ask for help in the real world. I’ve just never done this before.

That’s awesome! Be sure to acknowledge your own effort and reflect on the progress you’ve made, especially whenever you’re feeling stuck or frustrated about the things you feel still need work.

What’s it like? Is it warm and fuzzy, or cold and analytical? (Does it feel like someone is providing care and comfort, or is it more like an emotionally detached scientist meticulously studying you and scribbling down notes while mumbling “Hmm, I see, I see” while you yap at them?)

Maybe yes, or maybe no, or maybe some or all or none of the above. As others have noted, therapists can come to their work with a variety of different backgrounds, potentially trained in a variety of different methods and philosophies, with different ideas about the how and the why and the nature of the patient-therapist relationship. They also come with their own personalities, which influences all of this. A good therapist will do their best to make the interaction something that works for you. Even so, as others have mentioned, sometimes it can take time to find a good fit. The first time I saw a therapist, I felt like it just wasn’t clicking, they weren’t understanding me, and we weren’t getting anywhere, even after a few months of weekly sessions. So I stopped going and languished for a while. Eventually I decided to give it another try, and found someone who really helped me make progress with my anxiety. Much as you couldn’t get along with just anybody as a roommate, or not just anybody could be your best friend, or not just any shoe will fit your foot, so too can not just any anybody be a good therapist for you. So, don’t get discouraged if the first therapist you meet doesn’t seem like a good fit - it happens sometimes.

Do you start to see results right away, or are things slow at first?

Something like treating a specific phobia (e.g. spiders or elevators) often sees noticeable results faster than treating complex trauma from years-long childhood abuse. It just depends. It depends what you need help with, what you’re willing and able to tolerate, and the methods used, but generally progress is slow to get started. Expect the first session or two to be pretty much just the therapist getting to know you, what your concerns are, and where you’re already at with the work you’ve done yourself. Also, working through trauma and anxiety and big feelings is really hard sometimes, so expect there to be difficult points where you feel like you’re not making any progress, or sessions that make you feel emotionally drained. But, if you feel like something isn’t working, or it’s causing you too much distress, or any other concern, then don’t fret or hesitate to say so. Any half decent therapist will listen to your concerns and do their best to help address them.

How much stuff is recorded in a database that other systems can look up?

It depends what you mean by “other systems”? Some electronic medical records systems are accessible across an organization, and rarely in between organizations who use the same software, but even then it should only ever be accessed by someone who is involved in your care/treatment. And even then, psychotherapy notes typically have an extra layer of privacy and legal protection. Nothing is automatically getting sent to like a government database, if that’s what you’re concerned about (at least, not in the USA - but I assume/hope it’s similar in most places?). If you use insurance, they’ll have to give the insurer certain details like a diagnosis code and length of sessions, but nothing more detailed than that.

I wish you well! It has been a bumpy road sometimes, but going to therapy has significantly improved my life.

Everything @A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world said. For me I used a website to book 6 consultations with different therapists (15 minutes each) to figure out who I like that could work with my insurance, too. Having quick chats helped me figure out who was good for me and I’ve been seeing them ever since.

It’ll be awkward at the start, but a good therapist is primarily someone that listens without judgement and after a time, will offer suggestions on how you can address the issues bothering you.

They’re not generally cold and calculating, that stereotype is decades out of style.

What you’ll find is a space you can talk… and before you go in, ask YOURSELF what your end goals for the therapy are and make a list of the points and ask the therapist if they can be realisitcally achieved, but don’t expect a direct answer for that at first. The therapist needs to get to know you and your issues a bit first.

Ultimately, all of it will be down to you, and no one else.

A good therapist - be it a psychiatrist or psychologist (I prefer the latter) will get you to see what is holding you back and center you ON you… not in a narcissistic way, but see the whole person - good and bad - and learn to work to open yourself to change.

Remember, it will take some time, and the changes a therapist makes are in getting you to see your own strengths and weaknesses and how to avoid the pitfalls that people often put up in front of themselves when trying to better their lives.

Guilt, trauma, self-doubt… that shit is real and the best therapy gets you to see where the baggage lies and to let it go.

The therapist you find may be awesome and you click instantly or they might not. If not, don’t give up, move on to another person as every therapist is different and has different approaches to getting you to open your head to yourself.

I was in counselling for years as a teenager and it really helped me cut through my own insecurities and stop me doubting myself and got me the courage to leave home when I was 18 - with rocket boosters on, even though it sucked BIG TIME for years afterwards. (oh how it did!) It was all on me and I turned out ok in the end.

Therapy is a process, the main thing is to not bullshit yourself about any given situation, no matter what.

As to privacy, HIPPA laws still apply, and there is also nothing stopping you from asking about how robust their privacy controls on patients data are. Ask for paper copies of the records for yourself, that way you can have them accessible at a later date w/o having delays as the older records are fetched, if you need them. You DO have that right.

Never been to therapy myself but just saying good luck to you. Curious to see the responses here myself. Been in a seriously depressed state for the past six years, but in the last two months taken huge steps to get out of it.

Still dunno if I’ll give therapy a shot, but there’s been improvement on my own front which ain’t nothin’.

therapists love a good jump-scare

Wait for the third visit to have sex with them.