Understand my parent very well, but that came later in life when I realized that they are humans like the rest of us.

Same with my kid. I completely understood all the shit he did.

That doesn’t mean I forgive either for their bullshit not do hold their bullshit against them.

We are all humans and have our bullshit.

For the most part, I’d like to think I know my parents, but in reality I probably only know maybe a couple feet’s below the surface. Couldn’t tell you what their favorite movie is ( I could make a general guess with my dad because I know his obsessions ) or their favorite author, but I could tell you their political stance to a degree at least.

As for whether they know me, in a way I hope they don’t know abouty specific AceFuzzLord shtick or another online handle I created because I have some furry subculture interests and other interests I don’t wanna tell them about since I known as a fact my dad would never shut up and stop making jokes and jabs about them every single chance he gets ( like how he makes sexual jokes about me and my stuffed animals, like the sick, immature man he can be ).

I understand my father fairly well, we’ve had several long conversations with each other about important things with the goal of understanding each other better. I would even say, that besides for a core belief difference, he’s a good person too. My mother, though, is very hard to talk to, so I don’t understand her as well.

I understand my parents and they understand me.

I understand my children and they understand me.

I absolutely do not understand my wife. She is a beautiful mystery. Fortunately our children understand her as well and can translate for me sometimes.

Depending upon your age, that’s not too surprising. When I was about 25 I kind of felt the same way. I’m now 50+ My mom is little over 20 years older than I am. I’d say she understands me pretty well and I understand her.

The older you get the more wisdom you get and you start to understand the other side just a little more

I never really understood my parents. I don’t think they understood me, either. Then mom died and I inherited her diaries. Like a fool, I read them. Now I do understand her, and I hate so much more than I ever did when she was alive. She was both a terrible person but also legit crazy. So that happened

You say “understand”, but then rattle off a bunch of facts.

Like knowing hobbies, favorite foods, political opinions, favorite tv/movie/youtube channels/music/genre of entertainment, etc…

No offense, but that’s not the same as knowing a person and those aren’t the most important things. I don’t know the exact right answer to these for most of the people in my life. Hell, I don’t know my favorite for every one!

But that’s because they’re less important. Not completely, but they’re just statistics, flavoring on who a person is. I know my sister is endlessly creative and compassionate. I know my mother is fierce and determined, and never gives up on anyone. My father is loyal, dependable, and hard-working. My brother is charismatic and hilarious. My niece is intelligent, tender-hearted, and kind. My nephew is adventurous, inquisitive, and empathetic.

That’s who they are, and I know this by spending time with them, through the good and bad times. Assuming they’re worthy of it, have you shown your family who you are, your true self? And if they’re not worth that, remember that it’s only temporary; eventually you can move out, choose your own family and they can know and understand the true you!

Kids are hard to keep up with. I know a lot about what my 12 year old is into, but I’m pretty much the last to hear what my 18 year old is up to.

How much info do you share with your parents?

I used to think I knew my parents pretty well, but the older I’ve gotten, I’ve realized you can’t really completely know anybody more than what they want you to know. If that makes sense? With my dad at least, he can have his moments of wow what an asshole (and I can too). But I also know that no matter what, even if he’s pissed off about something, he can take a breather, set the anger aside and try to do whatever he can to help out if I need him to be there for me. He’s always been like that and it really means a lot to me. Definitely more than all the things he could have and probably should have done differently at various points.

I know he is also kind of blinded by how he sees me as “his daughter,” and he doesn’t always seem to give my opinion the same level of respect he does my brother or even my husband. Like sometimes if he has a question about something, he’ll automatically default to my husband even if my husband doesn’t know anything about what he’s asking. Or like if we disagree about something political he just kind of tunes out what I’m saying or gets really defensive if I disagree with him. But then my brother can tell him the exact same thing and he just kind of takes it in as new information or a different opinion to consider. I know it would probably hurt his feelings (and just lead to another argument) if I pointed that out, so I usually just don’t. I just kind of joke about it with other people, and roll my eyes when it happens, but that also means that implicitly he doesn’t really know me as well as he might believe he does.

Neither as much as I’d like. My mum died 5 years ago, and my dad is in his late 70s and likely suffering from dementia. So between that and my own issues, there’s not really much opportunity to develop our understanding of each other.

I feel like nobody really understands me.

The answer is: 42

I get what you’re saying and I’ve found that people have a diverse experience when it comes to their parents, so there are a lot of people who can’t relate. However, I have a similar relationship to you with mine and it took having children to realize how alien my parents are.

All of my kids are curious and show talent in things that are completely outside my experience or interest, but I make a conscious effort to learn about those things because it’s important to me to support them. That wasn’t something I experienced as a kid. In defense of my parents, I have more opportunity to exploring my kid’s interests, but it really doesn’t take much.

I’ll give you an example: I was a good kid growing up and did well in school but my parents mostly ignored me. I liked playing video games but my parents, especially my father, thought it was a waste of time. One day we were out though and he happened to see a demo of one of the Mortal Kombat games and he is a big fan of old martial arts movies. He bought the game for me and we went home and played it for a couple hours. That was over 30 years ago and I still remember who he played and the stages. I was so excited I remember he kept asking me to sit down because I was so elated that we had this thing in common. He never played video games with me before or after but I remember how excited I was that I thought I could do something my dad wanted to do.

It really instilled in me how important it is to meet you kids where they are instead of requiring them to come to you. I can’t say why your (or my) parents didn’t, but I can tell you there isn’t anything wrong with you and if you choose to have children, it is really satisfying to see them light up when you engage with their talents.

I don’t really understand my parents and they don’t understand me. And I don’t really understand my kids and they don’t really understand me.

I feel like the only person who really understands me is my wife.