Waitress: …or Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a Mornay sauce served in a Provençale manner with shallots and aubergines, garnished with truffle pâté, brandy and a fried egg on top and slop.
Wife: Have you got anything without slop?
Waitress: Well, there’s slop egg sausage and slop, that’s not got much slop in it.
Wife: I don’t want ANY slop!
Man: Why can’t she have egg bacon slop and sausage?
Wife: THAT’S got slop in it!
Man: Hasn’t got as much slop in it as slop egg sausage and slop, has it?
Vikings: Slop slop slop slop (crescendo through next few lines)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon slop and sausage without the slop then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean ‘Urgghh’? I don’t like slop!
Vikings: Lovely slop! Wonderful slop!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely slop! Wonderful slop!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can’t have egg bacon slop and sausage without the slop.
Wife (shrieks): I don’t like slop!
Man: Sshh, dear, don’t cause a fuss. I’ll have your slop. I love it. I’m having slop slop slop slop slop slop slop baked beans slop slop slop and slop!
Because it’s everywhere and I’m tired of people trying to make me try it.
The Slop Sketch (with apologies to Monty Python)
Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings with horned helmets on. A man and his wife enter.
Man (Eric Idle): You sit here, dear.
Wife (Graham Chapman in drag): All right.
Man (to Waitress): Morning!
Waitress (Terry Jones, in drag as a bit of a rat-bag): Morning!
Man: Well, what’ve you got?
Waitress: Well, there’s egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and slop; egg bacon and slop; egg bacon sausage and slop; slop bacon sausage and slop; slop egg slop slop bacon and slop; slop sausage slop slop bacon slop tomato and slop;
Vikings (starting to chant): Slop slop slop slop…
Waitress: …slop slop slop egg and slop; slop slop slop slop slop slop baked beans slop slop slop…
Vikings (singing): Lovely slop! Lovely slop!
Waitress: …or Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a Mornay sauce served in a Provençale manner with shallots and aubergines, garnished with truffle pâté, brandy and a fried egg on top and slop.
Wife: Have you got anything without slop?
Waitress: Well, there’s slop egg sausage and slop, that’s not got much slop in it.
Wife: I don’t want ANY slop!
Man: Why can’t she have egg bacon slop and sausage?
Wife: THAT’S got slop in it!
Man: Hasn’t got as much slop in it as slop egg sausage and slop, has it?
Vikings: Slop slop slop slop (crescendo through next few lines)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon slop and sausage without the slop then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean ‘Urgghh’? I don’t like slop!
Vikings: Lovely slop! Wonderful slop!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely slop! Wonderful slop!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can’t have egg bacon slop and sausage without the slop.
Wife (shrieks): I don’t like slop!
Man: Sshh, dear, don’t cause a fuss. I’ll have your slop. I love it. I’m having slop slop slop slop slop slop slop baked beans slop slop slop and slop!
Vikings (singing): Slop slop slop slop. Lovely slop! Wonderful slop!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her slop instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean slop slop slop slop slop slop… (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings: (singing elaborately) Slop slop slop slop. Lovely slop! Wonderful slop! Slop slo-o-o-o-o-op slop slo-o-o-o-o-op slop. Lovely slop! Lovely slop! Lovely slop! Lovely slop! Lovely slop! Slop, slop, slop, SLOOOOOOOOOOOP!